


Meet the Brothers

by Shay_Moonsilk



Series: Week of Dwori Cliches [3]
Category: James Bond - All Media Types, The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Bilbo is also a 00 agent, Bofur and Thorin aren't, Dori is M, Dori's hair is big because it's full of secrets, Dwalin is 007, Gen, His secrets have secrets, M/M, Meet the Family, Nori is another 00 agent, Ori is Q, With A Twist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 13:32:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5050441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Moonsilk/pseuds/Shay_Moonsilk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Agent 007, known also as Dwalin, is meeting Q's (or Ori's) brothers for the first time. </p><p>Only, he already knows Ori's brothers. </p><p>He's been working with them for years. </p><p>He just doesn't know it yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meet the Brothers

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently my ultimate aesthetic is creating alternate universes. Send HALP.

Meeting the family is always nerve-racking, but given that Dwalin spent the better part of the last thirty-six hours toppling a dictatorship halfway around the world, this felt like the upside of his week.

Dwalin had met Ori through work, though for a year they’d only known each other as “007” and “Q”. They both worked for Her Majesty’s Secret Service, known as MI6 and were responsible for covert operations that were highly classified and highly dangerous. They’d felt an instant attraction to each other, but it took a while to properly act upon and balance when one of them could (and was) called to be in Egypt, then China, then Chicago in the span of a week. And the other had a habit of injecting himself with experimental steroids that he made himself _just to see what could happen_.

It certainly didn’t make for a _boring_ relationship.

Yet Q – later revealed himself as Ori – had told him that before they could move further, he had to meet Ori’s older brothers (who’d raised him and their blessing was very important). And Dwalin happened to like Ori a lot (maybe loved but it felt a _little_ pre-emptive to tell) so he agreed. But it seemed like the meeting would never happen – for three time straight, right before Dwalin was set to meet Ori’s brothers, M would call him on a long covert-op mission. Usually with 002 or 003, or both (both was nice; the three worked well together).

Though finally, he’d made it back from Bolivia after taking down a drug cartel that masking a nuclear weapons trade (which was just _all kinds_ of messed up) with 003, but they made it back in a relatively timely fashion. (“ _Heard you were meeting the in-laws_ ” 003 had snickered and Dwalin elbowed him hard to shut him up before they got on separate planes heading back to London.)

After de-briefing with M, Dwalin swung by to greet Ori for their “You’re back from a dangerous mission” routine. It involved Ori asking where the gadgets he’d given him wound up, and then rolling his eyes when Dwalin graphically recounted all the way’s in which he’d damaged them. He _loved_ the way Ori would dramatically sigh and complain – how he’d act as if the agent did this _solely_ to annoy him, and Dwalin decided to act like that _was_ exactly why he did.

It would be followed by some enthusiastic snogging. Very enthusiastic.

Then they’d normally go to Ori’s flat (it was nicer and closer to headquarters) except this time they were going to Ori’s eldest brother’s town-home in the suburbs. Ori had told him about his brothers before – he knew their names were Dori and Nori (their mother had a thing for rhyming apparently), they all had different fathers and he was the youngest by quite a significant gap because he was an accident. (“ _A happy accident_ they tell me, but still an accident” Ori had said). Part of Dwalin could hardly believe he’d actually _be_ meeting his brothers without being called to Istanbul (which happened the first time), and he couldn’t believe that he was _actually_ excited. Ori hadn’t told him much about what they did or what their hobbies were – maybe they had boring jobs and no hobbies? But then how did that explain Ori? He was the most brilliant Q they’d ever had.

They took Dwalin’s motorbike – which had been there while he was “abroad” – through the busy streets of the city until they reached the quite neighborhoods, and the purr of the engine was the loudest thing they could hear. The townhome itself seemed pretty inconspicuous, and looked like a nice enough place for someone to grow up. He spied a porch swing hanging from the tree in the front yard, and Ori quipped a quick story about how he used to love that swing, and would launch himself from it and cause Dori to have a heart attack every time. And how Nori taught him how to climb, and hang, from trees as a child. As he rang the bell, Dwalin leaned against one of the walls that surrounded the door and looked around the neighborhood, trying to string this quaint story-like neighborhood to the man he dated that could inject the world’s deadliest poisons (that he made) into quill nubs.

When the door opened, he had his answer.

Only his extensive years of training prevent him from shouting ‘M’ at the top of his lungs (and thus preventing an international incident), even though it most assuredly is M that opens the door. Dwalin almost asks what he’s doing there (this is _Ori’s family home_ not an MI6 safe house) when the pieces fall together and something unpleasant settles in his gut. He’s doomed.

And damn him, M smiles as if they’re meeting for the first time when he says, “Well hello, it’s wonderful to meet you. My Ori’s been looking forward to this for weeks.” Weeks because he couldn’t meet Ori’s brothers when M (!!) would send him on sudden missions and this was getting very uncomfortable.

Then Ori, as if nothing about this is wrong, says, “This is Dori.” Dwalin has worked with M for almost ten years, long before Ori joined them as Q, and is now just learning the mans’ name. And that he apparently raised the head of Q branch from infancy.

“I’ve just put on a kettle of tea,” Dori beams, ushering them into the house and urging them to take off their coats, “Nori and Bofur will be here soon with dinner, and Bilbo and Thorin were stopping by after.”

“Did you burn the roast again?” Ori teases, and Dwalin _would_ smile at the tell of an inside joke but his brain is short-circuiting because he can’t reconcile the most famous international agent MI6 could boast of to a man that makes tea and apparently can’t cook.

“Hush you, Ms. Congeniality was on and you know how distracting that is.” Ori agrees and leads Dwalin by the hand into the kitchen (though he feels more like Alice falling in the proverbial rabbit-hole), where Dori pours each of them a cup.

“So, Mr. Dwalin, I understand you had a long week?” Really? He’s going to play coy? Well, this was M. 

“I was called on an unexpected business trip.” He deadpanned, and both brothers had a laugh. Dori gives him a slight smirk that Dwalin can read from their years together – he’s amused.

“Well I see you’re back in one piece. Can we assume the same for your luggage?”

Dwalin returns the smirk. They’ve fallen into a familiar pattern – this is a conversation they’ve had so often it’s become routine. “If I brought it back what would the boys in tech do anymore?”

Dori laughs as Ori hits his shoulder, but the banter does much to put him at ease. This kind of conversation and camaraderie is what he’s used to. Yet it feels nicer to have with Ori curled up into his side, sitting at a couch adjacent to Dori as if they’ve been spending Saturday nights together like this for years. It’s an arrangement he can certainly get used to. And, hey, at least there isn’t a concern with lying to the in-laws about what he does for a living. Though it’s a shame he can’t ask the questions he really wants, because he doesn’t know how secure the house is. And he isn’t sure if Dori is playing coy because the house isn’t secure, or because he’s just being M.

The front door opens loudly to a _very familier_ voice yelling, “I’m home! I come bearing food!” And Dwalin can’t help the, “Really?!” that escapes his mouth as Ori giggles at his reaction. Sure enough, 003 – _Nori_ – is the middle brother that apparently has an outstanding relationship with the Chinese takeout place for when his boss – and older brother – burns their dinner.

And he thought Ori’s family would be boring.

Another man is carrying bags of food behind Nori, who gives Dwalin the cheekiest wink to which he scowls at, and he's introduced as Bofur, Nori's _husband_ (!!). Dwalin isn’t sure if he’s more shocked that the 00 agent he’s worked the closest with is his boyfriends' older brother (and he’s now _very_ happy he never makes it a habit to talk about his personal relations because he could have been _murdered_ if he’d been less discreet) or that 003, the most flirtatious man Dwalin had ever known (he’d _perfected_ the Honeypot) was apparently a monogamous, happily married man. Bofur isn’t an agent, and Dwalin realizes he doesn’t work for MI6.

Besides the fact that he learned that he’d been working with Ori’s brothers for longer then he’d even known Ori existed, Dwalin enjoys the dinner, and chatting with everyone as if they were a normal family. Dori and Nori act as if they’ve never met Dwalin before, asking him questions and playing along with the cover story he tells him – which Dori had _created_ _for him_ all those years ago when he and Nori started working together at MI6.

After dinner Dori prepares another pot of tea, and Bofur receives a phone call from someone named Bilbo (and Nori sends him a sign for the number 2 when his husband's back is turned and _really?_   They knew 002?), and Bofur tells them that he and Thorin (no number mention, meaning he’s a civilian like Bofur) are outside and need help bringing in a few things.

“Ori go help Bofur.” Dori commands, gently yet firmly. Ori gives him a, ‘ _really_?’ look but follows the other man out of the kitchen.

“Is it time for the shovel talk?” Dwalin asks after they leave.

Dori snorts. “We hardly need anything so pedestrian. We’ve worked together for a decade now.”

Nori adds, “You’ve seen us, and what we can do. Dori can send us anywhere in the world for _any_ length of time, if he deems it necessary for international security.”

“And you already know how Nori can and will break into any security, and shoot at any range with _perfect_ precision.” Dori muses, pouring a cup of tea for them all.

“Not to mention the arsenal our Ori keeps at his instant disposal.” Nori finishes, and Dwalin gets the picture. He takes the tea cup Dori offers him, only the elder doesn’t let it go for a few moments.

“Yet, you also know that we approve.” Ori’s eldest brother tells him, and he is right - Dwalin knows that the evening wouldn't have gotten to this point if they hadn't. “Because we’ve seen how you work.”

“And you passed our tests better than anyone else ever did.” Nori smirks, and Dwalin decides his life will be better off if he just laughs along, so he does.

Tests indeed. At least no moment in this house will be _dull_.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm taking requests for this week!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Playing Field](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5072071) by [Shay_Moonsilk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Moonsilk/pseuds/Shay_Moonsilk)




End file.
